Dude Scarf Musings

Minus a Ford Landboat but plus an overheated Visa we have returned!

In the spirit of an after-school special as a final post we're going to take a look back at the good times, the bad times and the up-hill times and post our pithy nuggets of wisdom on random things we thought about Italy. We don't guarantee accuracy; these are not a sturdy foundation upon which to launch a travel writing career. Instead, we are happy to provide you with our purely useless personal opinions about some random things we thought about bell'Italia.

THE DUDE SCARF MUSINGS

• Italians socialize more than Canadians.
  
• Italian cities are physically designed to encourage socializing (there is more public gathering space).
  
• Italians seem to have more leisure time than Canadians.
• Italians eat their food faster than Canadians (we were always the last to finish), but spend longer sitting at the table during each meal.
• No one drinks tap water in Italy.
  
• Contrary to stereotypes, Italian drivers seem less emotionally affected by what occurs on the road and are far more patient than Canadian drivers.
• It's OK to park by ear in Italy... ting!
  
• In Italy, everything is closer together (places, buildings) and common objects (cars, appliances, etc) are smaller.
  
• People are not as concerned about scheduling and deadlines. (A: shudder).
  
• Italians really do eat a lot of pasta... a lot.
• There is far less processed food available in Italy. Also, we didn't see anyone who was grossly obese and obviously Italian. Coincidence? We think not.
  
• Italian women dress up to go... everywhere. They are also way more adventurous with their bathing attire than are Canadian women.
  
• Clothing with patterns, textures, unique designs, etc. seems to be more popular in Italy than in Canada for both men and women.
• Italian bathrooms do double-duty as laundry rooms.
  
• Relationships between people of different generations are less formal (maybe because everyone lives in smaller spaces and closer together?)
  
• The general public actually seems to care about men's fashion.
  
• There is a lot of bare ass on Italian TV... a LOT.
• Italian variety and game shows are: incomprehensible to everyone, including Italians; always have at least one women in an evening gown or bikini.
• There are far fewer garbage cans (in homes and on the street) than in Canada.
• Yellow pants with leather slide sandals are perfectly acceptable for men... provided you are accompanied by an entourage of friends dressed as different citrus fruits and at least one of your crew is wearing suede shoes (torsos optional).
  

We hope you've enjoyed this edition of The Tabs of Fun (which have now been carefully stored in a meta-filing system). See you at our next vacation destination.

Ciao ciao!

Roma the Sixth

"Oh, good. More hills."
- Marco, at Uetliberg

Today was our last day in Zurich (although we are sleeping in Rome, hence the post title.)

After a brief ride on a Swiss tram in which we learned that you shouldn't carry bananas in your pockets or shrug,

We boarded a train and arrived at Uetliberg. Uetliberg is a sort of nature park that is apparently very popular with the Swiss.

This was in Uetliberg. I'm not sure that it's popular but I am sure that's it's Swiss-weird.

As we are becoming accustomed to, Uetliberg is located in a general upwards direction. What we were unaccustomed to was that the train drops you off at the top. Horray! All you have to do is walk down.

At 871 meters above sea level, you can really get a nice panoramic view of the city and the lake.


There was pretty Swiss nature.


And, post-Uetliberg, pretty Swiss hat/fascinators.


We flew out later in the day without incident, aided by the glut of signage at the Zurich train stations and airport. The Alps look pink and fuzzy from way up high...

We are currently staying in Rome at the "lovely" airport Hilton. We are planning to make a final post tomorrow on our "deep thoughts" about Italy. Now, I don't want to make promises...

... but the last post may feature a certain dude sporting a certain manly European accessory. Don't miss it!

Zurich the Third

This blog is coming to you, semi-live and semi-verbatim from Laura's apartment.

A: Are you ready to be amusing?

L: M tongue is tingling... from the kiwi. It was really tart.

A: OK. Well, today we went to Bellinzona. It was a two hour train ride to get there and the town is predominantly Italian.

L: We didn't believe that Marco could speak Italian, we needed proof.

A: I'll tell you what wasn''t Italian:


A: being guided by iPhoheslashIan the entire time!

L: Bellinzona is the capital of Ticino. "There are three massive fortified castles. It is the only example of late medieval military architecture preserved along the Alpine range." (That's very specific). It's a UNESCO world heritage site.


A: The views were amazing.


L: Where's the view of people rolling on top of each other?

A: Right here... there's a person under that person with the horrid orange pants.

A: There were other amusing sights as well.


L: This book also says no one complains about the weather in Ticino.

A: Why?

L: Because it's amazing. The weather was shite here.

A: Yes, it was 11 degrees and rainy in Zurich. I would also like to note that I've learned that all people do here is run for trains (connecting and otherwise) and put on sweaters - it's cold.

L: We like to maximize efficiency. Why waste a minute?

A: After a day of touring, we went for FONDUE!

L: To the rabbit house!

A: This was the view from our table.

L: So cute!

A: Unfortunately, rabbit was also on the menu. We ordered too much cheese fondue.

L: Ian's favourite part was where the potatoes that came with the fondue came in a cloth bag.

A: Note blue potato bag in picture.

L: We ordered 600 g of cheese - 200 per person.

A: Marco wouldn't eat the cheese so he had chicken. I would note that 600 g of cheese translates into a 6 month old cheese-baby.

L: I don't have any witticisms. Ian, make me a witticism!

I: I don't have any.

L: mmm. We like having Adie and Marco. They are fun. We like them.

A: Aww. We're having fun, too!!! OK. Fuzzy sharing time is over. See you tomorrow in Uetliberg!

Zurich the Second

This blog is coming to you, semi-live and semi-verbatim from Laura's apartment.

A: OK. Let's do it up!

L: Yeah!

A: That was awful. Let's try to only say things we want on the blog - nothing extraneous.

L: Is Marco also blogging?

M: I don't blog.

L: What about Ian?

I: (no comment)

A: Well, the first thing we'll say is the weather was shite today.

L: That's scheisse, actually.

A: Someone's been taking German lessons! Our first stop today was the Grossmunster. This is a giant-big church very near Laura and Ian's apt. OK, give me something pithy on the Grossmunster.

L: (Reading) "This cathedral is affectionately known to English speakers as the 'Gross Monster'"... that's funny. Felix and Regula, Christian martyrs, carried their own severed heads to the site where the munster is now and Charlegmange's horse years later collapsed on the same spot and that's how they chose the site.

A: Fascinating. For the low price of 2 CHF each, we climbed to the top and did another panorama moment (click on picture to embiggen.)



L: If you look across the street, at the green steeple, that's our next destination.

A: That's good, Laura. Nice segue.

L: The green steeple is the Fraumunster. It's also a big church. The most notable features of this church are the stained glass windows. In the 1970's the church commissioned Marc Chagall to make these. Adie took a picture of them when she wasn't allowed, thereby desecrating them.

A: I prefer the term "Kinnear".

A: This is the back of the same church. Check the organ - 500 pipes!


L: If the churches look a bit spartan, they are: during the reformation the church took everything beautiful out of them so people could focus more on God.

A: Here's some mountain weather...

L: ... and God's wrath...

A: ...for removing all the art from the churches.


A: Next we went down the Bahnhof-Strasse.


L: This is allegedly the most expensive shopping street in the world, but they also have a Clair's and an H&M so I'm not sure if that's true.

A: There were a lot of designer stores: Hermes, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Cartier, Tiffany...

L: Also Clair's.

A: Marco was having an Energy Crisis so we bought him a pretzel.

M: Always funny when it's someone else.


L: It's called a "Bretzel." Did you know that all nouns are capitalized in German? It's like living in the land in Eeyore.

A: After being re-energized, we headed to the Swiss Landesmuseum. What is it?

L: The weirdest place on earth. It's also the Swiss National Museum.

A: This placed also required a bit of Kinnearing.

L: We also desecrated this mammoth. The ladder in the corner is NOT for climbing up to pet the mammoth.

L: Note also: mammoth not real.

M: (re-living disappointment)

A: This was nifty - a very, very dark exhibit showcasing old gold jewellery from Roman times.



A: OK - this was totally effed up.

L: It's a room of "pod" speakers, each broadcasting a different, individual child's voice as he or she sang a song or recited a rhyme. So, instead of a room of happy children, there were just pods.

A: We don't get it. It was 1984 creepy.

A: Here we are back at the apartment with The Man, Mr. Banana, getting himself a brush.


L: Look at how skinny he is.

A: He's lost weight but he's still festively plump.

L: The starvation diet really worked.

A: I think he still has a way to go... but it's hard not to love all that cat blubber. Moving on... I really like this.

L: Public law and order is taken very seriously in Zurich. There are signs on the trams that tell you what you are not allowed to do.

A: Remember the signs from Roma the Third? This one's funnier.


A: Good thing Marco left his saw at home.

M: What are you are blogging about?

L: The sign actually means don't break public property or vandalize things... or maybe not, I don't know, my German's not that good. That's why they have the pictures, yo.

A: True dat. Although the saw is confusing. A better illustration of "no vandalism" might have been a spray can or similar.

I: Chicken down (dropped chicken on floor).

A: You're like Julia Child!

L: Then we decided to call home.


A: Fun but also an exercise in tech-support. Let's just say Ray had a few issues with Skype. But we did get this fun picture of him and got to say hello to Faye so it was worth it!


---PAUSE FOR DINNER---

A: Ian, that chicken was delightful.

I: Don't thank me, thank Donna Hay.

--- PLAYING SETTLERS OF CATAN---

A: I hate this game.

L: Because you lose, biatch.

A: AH! What was that?

All: run to window.

I: I think the scaffolding outside fell down due to all the rain.

---DISCUSSIONS WITH NEIGHBOUR ABOUT FALLEN SCAFFOLDING IN ALLEY---

---GAME OVER, IAN WINS (MR. BANANA A CLOSE SECOND)---

Zurich the First

"Oh my God! There are signs everywhere! I'm in my organizational homeland!"
- Adrienne, at the Zurich airport

Today was a day of goodbyes and hellos.

We said goodbye to our good friendslashpiece-of-crap, Ford Focus Station Wagon AKA Mr. Enormous.

With him:

1. We drove the wrong way down and one-way street and had to back out of same;
2. We put gasoline in a diesel tank;
3. "Tapped" a wall (in Campotosto);
4. Parked by ear;
5. Drove in Rome in rush hour (a Life Experience);
6. Drove through two pedestrian zones;
7. We were temporarily separated when we forgot where he was parked;
   
8. We drove up the side of a mountain; and
   
9. We almost got hit by a 16-wheeler on the Autostrade;

It's better for everyone that we've separated.

We said hello to Zurich, organizational efficiency and accurate signage. We're staying here for a couple of days with my sister, The Swiss Miss and her fiancé The Swiss Mister.


This promises to be a fun and interesting trip!

Stay tuned for joint blogging!!!

Florence the Fourth

"All this place really needs is a bishop zip-line right to the alter."
- Marco, atop the Duomo at Santa Maria del Fiore

Dudes. We were touring machines today. We are not sleeping when we're dead; we've scheduled touring for the afterlife.

We were up at 6:30, breakfasted, clothed and out the door to be at the Bargello for its opening at 8:15. We were first in line. (We win!)

The Bargello is the oldest seat of government surviving in Florence. It has been the residence of the chief of police and a prison. Executions took place in the courtyard here until 1786.


However, after extensive renovation (the gallows look is so dated) it is now a museum. We saw a ton. Pictures were not allowed... but I Kinneared a bit. We saw "Bacchus" by Michelangelo (his first major work), "Mercury" by Giambologna, "David" by Donatello


"Lady with a Posy" by Andrea Verrochio or possibly his pupil, Leonardo da Vinci


just to name a few.

The best part? We were practically the only ones in the whole museum. Which means we could engage in carefree frolic through the ceramics section if we wanted.


Throughout our whole time in the Bargello, we only saw two other tourists. Despite the hideous pain of waking up early on vacation, it's totally worth it to avoid the crowds.

Now, because we are uber-efficient, we were able to get in line prior to the 10:00 am opening of Santa Maria del Fiore, the cathedral we showed you in Florence the First.

This is a huge cathedral. To this day, no other building stands taller in the city. We saw the Last Judgment frescoes painted by Vasari


D-Man showed up (as he usually does)


And because we were there so early, the hordes were somewhat thinner than usual allowing us to give you this picture of the amazingly intricate marble floor.


Even though we knew this was the tallest building in Florence, and our butts have still not fully recovered from the Riomaggiore Death March, we (idiotically) decided to climb the 463 steps to the top of Brunichelli's dome in the cathedral (and pay 8 Euros each for the "pleasure" of doing so.)

After the first half of the climb, you arrive in the actual dome area, right under the frescoe. The view from the top is amazing (and would lend itself quite well to a bishop zip-line, as Marco noted.)


But that's only half way. Next, it's up these narrow, cramped stairs...


to the very tippy-top on the outside of the dome. The views of the city are amazing up here...


... although now Marco reports that his butt can not only crack walnuts, but also press diamonds from coal on command and in under three minutes.

After a Pause that Refreshes, we made it to the Uffizi. There were really no pictures allowed in there, not even Kinneared ones. We saw all the major works of art, though. Clam Lady, Jesus' Family Portrait, Stepped on Something Hurty, Naked Flower Lady, Hippies in the Forest, and Getting Avian Diseases AKA The Day I Let My Kids Play with a Bird. We totally rocked that place.

I can't believe this is our last night in Italy! Tomorrow we are off to Zurich to visit with my sister, the Swiss Miss and her fiancé, the Swiss Mister. We are looking forward to it... and hope they have a washing machine.